Lamps, Milk, Starkey, and Cam
by Norberta772
Summary: Do you like Lamps? Do you like Milk? Do you like Starkey? Do you like Cam? If you did or did not answer yes to any or all of those questions, then this may or may not be the story for you! Follow Cam and Starkey as they encounter each other in an unlikely scenario.


**Authors' Note: Hello, this is, once again, Norberta772 and connorxrisa897, bringing you yet another moronic, but hopefully amusing, story. We were hanging out and bored, so after a thorough UnWholly discussion, we decided to have some fun with the new characters. Like any good nerds, we added our own twist to the characters and plot. BTW: we own nothing but the plot and stuff that wasn't already written by the guy who wrote the book… Neal Shusterman. (By the way, if you're reading this, Mr. Shusterman, we deeply apologize for this stupidity. We can write better than this, we just choose not to. Feel free to use any of the ideas in this story for your next book!) We like reading. Well, I can't think of anything else… so… ByeBye! **

Cam's POV

Cam sits next to Roberta in his private jet. It was a put-together-day present from one of his corporate sponsors. It is a shiny, orange jet, with big windows! Cam likes orange. It is a pretty color.

It reminds him of his broken heart, though. _Risa,_ he thinks. The day Cam met Risa, there was an orange ladybug on the floor. Roberta had stepped on it unknowingly. Ever since then, ladybugs have been his favorite bug. _Oh, Risa, you are so amazing. Why did you have to leave me? _It is now impossible for him to visit insect museums with Roberta without breaking down in tears. Five weeks now, she has been gone. He doesn't know where she is, or how she's doing, on the run, and knows that all he can do is try to win her heart by any means possible and hope that she'll return to him.

He has been on countless TV interviews, trying to get Risa to come home to him. Now, he is on his way to do yet another show in LA.

All of a sudden, the plane hits some turbulence.

"Duck!" Cam shouts at Roberta.

"Huh―?"

A lamp falls on Roberta's head. That was his special lamp. Once, Risa had looked at it. It was beige and plaid. He always liked to take it on trips to interviews. It was his lucky lamp! Now it lays smashed on the floor.

"Oh, Roberta, why is your head so hard?" he asks the lifeless corpse. "It was a flaw of yours. You should have listened to me."

Suddenly, the plane hits more turbulence. The plane shakes so hard that Cam's personal salsa dancing instructor flies through the plane and hits the door, which swings open with a "_whoosh_."

Quickly, Cam grabs a parachute, but it is on fire. He throws it to the salsa guy because he would always tell Cam to drink a lot of water. Surely, he would have some water to put out the flames and then he could use it to live. Unfortunately, Pablo does not seem to have his usual methods of hydration, and his thickly gelled hair immediately catches fire.

"Grapes are for Pablo!" he screams, spinning wildly in circles, flying through the air to the ground below. Before long, his entire tuxedoed body is just a pile of charred ashes.

Starkey's POV

_A bunch of gel-scented ashes just fell on my head! What the frick?_

Cam's POV

"We're sorry for the unexpected inconvenience. A lost Canadian goose flew into our engine. Um… does anyone know where the last parachute went? Thank you, this has been your captain speaking."

Grabbing the last parachute, Cam jumps out of the jet. A few seconds later, it explodes. _BOOM!_

Gently, Cam floats to the ground, aiming for a spot of dirt near a large clump of people, all of whom seem to be milling about around one guy. Finally, when his feet touch the earth, he runs to the group, still wobbly from the shockwave and the fact that one of his legs is slightly shorter than the other. The people that made him didn't calculate that quite correctly.

A boy with weird stuff in his hair, which Cam recognizes as Pablo, comes up to him.

"Who are you?" he asks.

"Comprix. Camus Comprix. But you can call me Cam. All my friends do. Wait, my only friend is dead. All the other people do. And enemies. Well, not enemies, just people that don't like me. And the love of my life."

"Oh, I know who you are. You're that weirdo kid. Or should I say kids," he says. "I'm Starkey." He sticks out a hand. Cam licks it.

"Sorry about that. The part of my brain that tells my hand to shake other people's hands is foreign."

"It's okay," Starkey says, wiping off his hand. "How did you get a love of your life?"

"Her name is Risa, but she hates me."

"I know her! I remember that now. She's pretty hot. That loser that runs the Graveyard is sooooooooo in love with her. And she loves him back. Eww… mushy."

"What?! I must kill him! Who is this foul man-beast?!"

"Uhhhh… Connor Lassiter? He's pretty hot… I mean, he's pretty dumb."

"Have you seen either of them?"

"Yeah, I saw them last week at the grocery store," Starkey says, trying to hold back laughter.

"TO THE GROCERY STORE!"

"They're not there anymore, moron."

"They might be."

"Do ya honestly think they'd stay in a grocery store? It's cold… and illegal. I think."

"Yeah…" Cam says, realizing the truth of this statement. "Why were they in a grocery store, anyway?"

"Well," Starkey begins with a smirk. "Not sure about _why_, but I'm pretty sure they hadn't seen each other in a while, and, let's just say we found them in the milk aisle."

"Wait… the _milk aisle_?"

Starkey nods, sniggering in response.

"Ew. I like milk."

"I suppose they were desperate," Starkey adds. "They were pretty startled when I showed up."

There's a brief awkward silence before Cam pokes Starkey's nose.

"That's how one of the people who make up my brain's mother's used to say 'I love you.' Even though I've only known you for a short while since I fell out of the sky, I love you. You make me forget all about Risa."

"I don't know what to say," Starkey says.

"Then kiss me!"

The two then begin passionately making out.

THE END…

or is it? ;)

**Author's Note (again): Just saying, it's an extreme case of irony that Cam yells at Roberta to "duck", but it's actually a goose that hits their engine. Heehee. **


End file.
